What Does GOD Want?

I can only offer my opinion. GOD wants you to be happy. No other expectation has become apparent in all of the years I've been listening. Sixty Three at this point.

Being happy all the time is like riding the crest of a wave. It takes great skill to remain at the top of the wave. In my case I can say near the trough has been my dominant experience.

What seems to be the problem? Well, there are a lot of very wise and good men and women who have already mentioned this in one way or another. The ego is the problem... and, it seems, the solution as well. More on that in a moment.

I've heard GOD "speak" to me a lot in my sixty three Summers. Probably more than most people would be able to say. I'm not bragging but actually pointing out a character flaw. You would think that as many conversations as we've had I would have spent a little more time in reflection on the content. But I am a stubborn child at best and as my mother would say "You'd argue with a fence post."

Just one example: Back in the early 80's I spent a lot of time on the Kashi ranch, an ashram in a little town south of here over on the East Coast. One sunny day, as I walked across the grass toward one of the buildings a young man I knew well crossed paths with me and stopped me to ask "Michael, you have a fairly big ego, do you think my ego is big?" I said I had no idea. That was all there was to the exchange and we went on our ways. But I puzzled over the thought of having a big ego. How does one discern the size of one's ego? I was clueless.

Later that evening I was in Darshan (devotional service) with about two hundred other people and I asked Ma Jaya "Do I have a big ego?" She said "Yes, and it will cause you a lot of pain." "How long will it last?" I said. She said "That depends on you." I raised my hand again to ask another question and she said "Enough!"

The next day, and for several days there after, I was miserable with self loathing and disgust. I didn't even have a reason I could attach to the feeling, it was just there, dark and deeply morose. It passed and after some reflection and a little relaxed interest in the question of its source an answer came.

First, her attention was enough to bring up what needed to be purged at that moment. Second, my Higher Self set me up with a walk in the direction of another who like me was seeking release. Third, my egocentric desire for clarity regarding ego on one hand and confirmation I had a small ego on the other drew me like a moth to flame. The truth freed me of my delusion and set me straight. Ego identification with knowledge resulted in a piece of it being torn away.

This is the destructive/redemptive force called Kali, manifest in Ma Jaya, to benefit my awakening. Kali was a common experience in her presence. I know with further questioning I would have brought on much more suffering of "truth" which is, I suppose, why she stopped me.

In my opinion God wants you to be happy. The ego wants everything else. Having both is the crest of the wave.

Thoughts On The Illusion of Control

“God speaks only to the oldest souls, the ones most experienced in living and suffering. ‘You shall belong to no-one and to nothing, to no party, to no majority, to no minority, to no society except in that it serves me at my altar. You shall not belong to your parents, nor to your wife and children, nor to your brothers and sisters, nor to them who speak your language, nor to those who speak any other — and least of all to thine own self. You shall belong only to me in this world.”
~Franz Werfel

I was cruising the web using Stumbleupon and came across that quote on this site http://www.bemyastrologer.com.

Regardless of what one may think of Astrology this quote fits like a glove in my life. Many years ago a friend, inspired by my interest in Astrology, studied my chart. She told me, in greater length, based on her analysis I am like a mineral in fluid state that crystallises over a period of time only to be immersed in solution of extreme experiences, dissolved and then re-constituted again after a change in the inner and outer environment is complete. I found this to be both a pleasant and unpleasant thought.

It felt unpleasant because it smacked no choice. It presumed stability was out of reach. My life would continue to be disrupted and all I had built up over time would crumble at my feet leaving me with the task of rebuilding. (e.g. I've held over 40 distinctively different occupations.)

Pleasant because I will never be bored with an unchanging field of view. I would never be stuck in a pattern of waking sleep like an automatic line worker in a factory of repetitive behavior.

In all actuality, both are true. Further, I have learned to appreciate the radical changes and the periods of relative calm. The only painful quality is the absence of significant power over my material environment and the occasional difficulty in repeating an action or set of words, at my direction or that of another. To me no two moments are alike and the difference between this moment and the next is huge. Nothing remains the same from one moment to the next. Boundaries are extrapolated from observing others expectations and psychically tuning to their willingness to engage. Mistakes are plentiful, of course.

I am continually amazed at the differences I see from one person to the next when it comes to creating stability. Some people are at ease with life following patterns that repeat day after day. A cookie cutter life. Others create periods of repetition followed by short bursts of chaos. Controlled chaos though. Too much is exactly that... too much.

Stability lends itself to the illusion of control. Most are comfortable when able to predict what will happen next. The comfort strengthens the illusion. Events viewed on a larger scale appear to follow our expectations. If we look closely though we will see that there are always subtle changes and nothing ever repeats itself exactly. The changes may appear to be insignificant, they're not. The changes point out the subtle references the Higher Self imposes on the moment to, over time, fulfill the need for experience. Souls need experience or they become fallow and eventually leave the form to it's mindless repetition. Experience is food for the soul and the soul starves if the attention is forced into a limited frame of reference long term.

This isn't an exhortation to call chaos into the life any more than a criticism of those who find comfort the illusion of control. I feel certain that we are getting what we need regardless of what that may be. I feel certain , absolutely certain I chose the life I've lived. I was only bored when, as a child, I didn't get to pursue the experience I thought was my choice. Here I had the illusion I COULD control if my mother would just let me go.

People who survive extremes in their search for new experience and feel comfortable with chaos reigning over their lives have fat souls, usually. They will understand, after many repeated shifts in their point of view, that life isn't constant anything. If those same people take the high road in their responses to these shifts there comes a moment when they get it... the only constant is Love.

Those whose lives appear to have regular, timed out events and a finely structured order over which they seem to have control come to Love through realizing devotion to principal or virtue. It often appears like a ray of sunlight through a crack in the structure. I am reminded of a vast cathedral, dark and somber with a crack in a great stained glass window high on the wall. A brilliant sunbeam piercing the veil of dogma, illuminating the body-mind.

What a wonderful life. The search for stability blown away by the light of Love only to reassert itself as the ego reforms to carry the seeker toward the greatest change of all: Death of the frame that holds the picture of life.

Control is an illusion.

Love Knows No Ambition

I recently posted on Facebook a quote from a talk by J. Krishnamurty: "Where there is Love there is no ambition." I didn't really expect a response, much less the two I actually got. One was distinctly questioning of the remark via a questioning of Mr. Krishnamurty's character and the situation of his culture and political environment. The other was a simple "Hmmmm" which I took to be undefined questioning of the validity of the statement. I certainly could have misinterpreted these responses. Regardless, they inspired some further thought on the subject in an attempt to understand the perspective of the comments.

Here is what has come of that.

My first thought was people who have no undefined experience with Love also have no awareness Love needs no other quality than Itself to exist. In other words, they've never experienced Love in It's purest state. Love at this level of existence is without definition, boundless and forever. One becomes simply a sea of bliss. This alone is beyond comprehension even after experiencing it. No definition: Inability to recognize differences because none, including self, exist. Boundless: Infinite Being. Forever: Absence of mortality. Sea of joy: one becomes a drop of joy immersed in an endless sea of joy.

It is important to realize, from a lesser perspective with an intact ego, that in this state of mind their are no relatives or loved one's. There is no body to have needs. There is no name of the self which also does not exist. There is no ego to tell you right and wrong, up or down, believe or doubt. In fact if the experience didn't result from a process one would never know it was occurring. One must return from this state to attention, with at least a modest identity intact, to recognize one had been there. Otherwise the experience is actually physical death. It is however, ego death we're talking about here. Naturally a very low percentage of the world population actually have this experience and live to tell about it. Often those who do are labeled crazy and some actually become residents of asylums.

People have been put to death for espousing the attributes of pure Love, but we know this. We've heard and read these stories. Many of us are appalled by this, we cannot understand why others would behave in this manner. And yet, when someone who has disappeared into the Highest State of Awareness shares what they recognize as an obstacle to achieving It people invested in Love being something other than what it is feel threatened.

There can be no possible investment, no wanting, no ambitious agenda on the part of pure Love. All other points of view are threatened by the Truth of Love. In fact the experience of pure Love will destroy any and all beliefs, images, attachments, ambitions and identities the "experiencer" may hold consequential or otherwise. The reality of this is put forth in every major spiritual tome since writing began.

From Hebrew scriptures for example, "GOD is no respecter of persons", and "Man's doing is as foolishness to GOD. GOD's doing is as foolishness to man." There are many more.

From the Hindu scriptures comes this one, spoken to Arjuna by Krishna when his beliefs created resistance to sending his army to battle his relatives in a war, "I am death, destroyer of worlds."

And these words spoken by Jesus "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it."

And from A Course In Miracles: "Nothing unreal exists, nothing real can be threatened."

For the sake of reference, I've disappeared into that Sea of Joy. And yes, my life was destroyed.

The Madness Of Sadness With Happiness

I’m a Christian (defined as a person Baptized in the Christian faith and a believer in the words theoretically spoken by the man Jesus). I’m a Buddhist (defined as a follower of the Eightfold Path). I’m a Hindu (defined as a believer in God In All Things). I am a Taoist (defined as having recognized all is only a supremely intelligent, unmoved field of infinite wisdom without intention other than to be). I am a follower of the way of the American Indian, generally (defined as one who recognizes his connection with the Gaia). I am a scientist, however poorly educated (I believe creation may be reduced to a set of equations confirming infinite existence). For various purposes, both selfish and unselfish, I am also a Pagan, a Jew, a Muslim and any other belief system one may find practiced or otherwise held in the mind of Mankind. if I am to be acceptable to GOD I must accept GOD.

Here’s why. In the Old testament of the Hebrew religious scriptures, prior to the advent of Christ Consciousness in the man Jesus, there is a passage I accept as true and presented as direct communication from YHVH stating; GOD is omnipresent (everywhere) omnipotent (powerful above all else) and omniscient (seeing the all and the everything). Elsewhere in that same set of scriptures the statement “All is GOD” is found. This means to me that nothing exists or can be found outside of GOD, untouchable by GOD or doable without GOD’s approval. Therefore all that happens, including sadness, murder, mayhem, gladness, joy and creativity, does so with the absolute sanctity of GOD. This alone is enough to make one both full of misery and filled with joy at the same time. Madness in other words.

A corroborative quote from the Hebrew bible: The workings of Man are as foolishness to GOD. The workings of GOD are as foolishness to Man.

I Love you and there is nothing you can do to stop me. That is the heart of Christianity.

Cold Water Rebirth

A small primer: Rebirthing is a breath process. In its classic "clinical" setting it's done in three stages. 1) ten open air sessions with a male or female but not both 2) followed by one hot tub session 3) followed by ten with the other bonding gender 4) followed by a cold water rebirth. There is more than one participant on hand at the two water rebirths.

At my first cold water Rebirth "Allow" was the overall atmosphere of the work shop. One pursued to the depth of their choice. There were several dozen attending. I was accompanied by three seasoned Rebirthers and the water was in a hotel tub, filled with buckets of ice cubes from the machine in the hall. Water, of course, was floating the ice.

As I lowered my naked body into the icy water my awareness opened to a holographic experience. I simultaneously saw my guides as if I was looking out from eyes in my upper back, the ice water beneath me with my physical eyes like being in another world, and through the eyes of an Alaskan Inuit pitching head first into the Arctic waters. I felt feelings of having committed suicide as this person in a past life. There were no other offerings, there was no me, there was no reasoning. Only mindless fear of death and the cold and the momentum of determined commitment to do this filled my awareness. I was open to reasons for being afraid but saw nothing. I was doing this and no one was pushing me.

Later, as I sat in the conference room on the floor, remembering how resistant I was from the beginning to attend this Loving Relationship Training workshop, this poem came to me. It's a lot lighter than the image of the cold water rebirthing.

Anxious about the cold,
And I feel really old
On death I must be sold
“lets get it over with!”

Cold water freaks me out
I’m really not that stout
Makes me want to shout
“Lets get it over with!”

Angry fighting feelings
My head is set to reeling
Fearful breath is fleeting
“Lets get it over with!”

Ease into the water
Leave is what I oughta
The scream is getting louder
“Lets get it over with!”

Out of water, into the air
Its colder still over there
Fearless now “in the pink”
I feel a glow… and not a care.

Most of all, I cleared a LOT of fear that weekend.

Psychic Surgery: Fact or Fiction

I don’t remember the exact date when I first saw a documentary on Psychic Surgery, but it was sometime in 1969. I was visiting my mother on Merritt Island and we were sitting around the dining room chatting about this and that when a documentary of the subject came on television. I remember that it was produced on behalf of a major network and it was obviously biased by a disbelief in the possibility of such. At the time I was fascinated by the subject though by that time in my life I had forgotten my spiritual heritage and was fully immersed in the attempt to become a “normal” human being with the ordinary goal of being the best disk jockey in the radio business. We watched without comment. We were all riveted by what looked like a man doing something with his fingers over the exposed lower abdomen of a Asian woman. There was a short movement and he lifted his hands and placed an object in a bowl. It looked like what I’ve since heard doctors refer to as a polyp. The commentator, sounding very objective, said that it could just as easily been a piece of chicken or some other animal, that the psychic surgeon had secreted into the scene through some slight of hand. Part of me wanted to agree with him. But something subtle reminded me to stay open to this fascinating concept. I had experienced surgery in the classic method several times and for a number of problems by then and this event looked like a preferred way to go.

The evening passed and it was three years later that another event altered my perspective, decided my direction and changed my mind about the nature of reality, forever. At age twenty five, after 14 months of intense daily contemplation of my life and purpose, I experienced a complete loss of any sense of self and entered into a state of ecstasy. Along with all that implies came the perception that our physicality is merely an illusion. A play of light upon the screen of the theater of mind. This experience is connected to our subject only as a means of identifying the mechanics of the process. If in fact we are only light at the simplest level of our being then anyone who may perceive the phenomenon of that dimension has a key to access that dimension. Of course it would hold that to work there with any recipient, the recipient must be in cooperation with the practitioner. And so my story of my experience with psychic surgery begins.

I was in my 42nd year and had been a massage therapist for several years. I had met my friend Silmar a few months earlier and she was deeply connected to the community of healers locally and knew about many of the more obscure events that took place. I was at home in my apartment when the lady I was dating at the time came by. She was all excited about this man she had met at a local residence who was performing this service all day and into the night for all who asked. As usual, in spite of my openness, I was skeptical. I listened but did not act until I got a call from Silmar. She said “Come over here right away!” My friend and I left immediately and arrived in a few minutes at a house in Winter Park. From there we went to a garage that had been converted to an apartment. As I entered the room I saw a beautiful man of average stature and a very demure woman of whom I took little note. The room was filled with a light that I had only experienced in the moments of extreme joy. It came as if from the very atmosphere itself.

I should tell you now, that from the time of my early childhood, I have had many injuries and insults visited upon my body. The number of traumatic experiences are in the hundreds. But None are as great as the anger I have felt toward myself for living in denial of my true nature and the source of my Being. My anger manifested most profoundly in my liver. The sensitivity of this region was such that while laying on my back the weight of my hand on my chest or abdomen was too painful to bear.

After entering the room I was instructed to remove my clothes, leaving my underwear on, and to lay down on a massage table covered with a white sheet. Silmar and my other friend were with me and watched from the side as I did this. The practitioner then spread a salve-like substance that smelled strongly of camphor but contained other ingredients I feel certain. He moved very quickly and I was able to lift my head to watch his hands. He wore slacks and a long sleeved white shirt that was rolled up passed his elbows. There was no way he could hide anything in his hands which I noted with a casual thought. The energy of the room was intense but pleasant. I was not afraid but very attentive to his actions. He lightly brushed my entire torso, his hands circling my upper abdomen. Suddenly he said “liver” out loud and then began a movement that looked like rolling out dough to make bread. He moved quickly, with clarity and confidence, pushing away from the area of my liver. It reminded me of the story of the parting of the Red Sea. It was as if they were the "ghosts" of layers of water covering me. I could see through these waves as though they were glass. (I have learned since then that these Psychics see the body as if it were water). After a few pushes in three directions away from the area of my liver he then formed a shape like a bowl with his hands, fingers curved and pointed toward the area surrounding the point of my discomfort. I began immediately to feel a warmth in the center of the tissue under his hand. The only way to describe it is to liken it to the heat I felt when working on radio transmitting equipment during my years in the broadcasting industry. I occasionally had to climb a tower to change warning bulbs while the station continued to transmit at a greatly reduced wattage. If I held the tower too tightly or too long in one place I would feel the heat build in my bones as it slowly cooked me. The difference is that felt like dirty heat. This was a clean and graceful heat. After a few short moments his fingers disappeared into my abdomen up to the second knuckle joint. They went right into my body! Intellectually I was astounded while feeling completely at ease with all that was transpiring. Suddenly there was a noise like plopping/squirting sound accompanied by small drops of blood that spattered my face and torso. I simultaneously saw something dark fly from my upper belly just under the bottom rib very close to my mid-line. He moved to a bowl that his assistant now held and flicked what looked like a slightly irregularly shaped piece of tar about an inch long as thick as a pencil lead. He did a few other things to me, all less dramatic but with ease and Grace. It was very easy to surrender to his loving touch. It was obvious that his dispassionate approach treated me with respect and impersonal positive regard. I felt loved by a force beyond the totality of our person.

I left the room after repossessing my clothing. Later while sharing the experience with my friend Silmar and my girlfriend Elizabeth, both reprted seeing a hole open up in my abdomen. They "could see my guts." I, on the other hand, could not see past the bottom of my rib cage as I tilted my head.

Many went to him that day and they all experienced profound healing in his presence. Some resisted and had a harder time of it, others surrendered and were touched with ease.

After the event, and for several months, I could see a small, jagged red line, much like a spider vein, right where the pain had been centralized. That gradually faded and is now only memory. The pain went away immediately and has never returned. I am truly grateful for all involved.

I was told this man would pray with his assistant for many hours each day in devotion to his love of Christ. I have also learned that he was an ambassador to the United States from his native country and that someone here, who felt threatened by this form of healing, informed the State Department. Consequently, he was told never to return to America. (This article was originally published in the Healthy Alliance Journal Vol. III No. 5 in November of 1996.)

Stored Injustice and Attacks

This past Saturday the 13th of March, a little over a week ago, I began the Avatar Integrity Course. It seems there were about sixty of us in attendance. I went with a lot of enthusiasm and interest in getting free of some limiting patterns I suffer from every day. These patterns are typically obscured by longing for relief.

I say "I suffer" but the reality is we all (everyone I meet or am connected to in life) suffer from my patterns. The patterns create energy flux one could liken to a stick protruding from the surface of a pond. Buffeted by the wind it creates disturbances in the surface of the pond. Every living thing in the pond is disturbed. Life is fraught with chaos and infirmity.

Dealing with these patterns is a whole lot easier and infinitely quicker when someone assists, in a loving way, my coming to awareness of the pattern and the beliefs that create it. The Avatar Integrity Course is deliberately designed to provide that opportunity.

I want to share with you three results. There were more, considerably more, but these stand out.

I suffer from a build up of perceived injustices visited upon me by the world or my fellows resulting in transparent beliefs. The perceived injustices inevitably stemmed from experiences I instigated in life. They formed a pool of fear and resentment when I failed to take responsibility during or following their advent: I would hit a bump in the road, blame something or someone and lick my wounds while racing for the next experience. I created the experience, I hit the bump and placed blamed (damn Bump!). Then I attacked the next person who came forward offering another opportunity to take responsibility for my previous creation. (You're another damn bump!).

Second, and quite valuable, is the feeling of attacking another to avoid taking responsibility. That feeling, in my body, is subtle and nearly instantaneous. It starts with a resistance, followed by a withdrawing of my attention from my fellow and proceeds to an outflow of energy. In most cases the energy is subtle, accompanying words or actions which hide the underlying motive to attack. The words or actions may actually be words of praise or intended to help.

Third is a real eye opener and explains a lot of failed relationships. I see I both draw people to me and push them away at the same time. I want to experience love but I fear the intimacy of true connection. I remember a loved one saying to me years ago "Why are you pushing me away" when I wanted so much for her to come closer. It made absolutely no sense at the time.

These painful situations are created by unseen transparent beliefs. Beliefs formed in my past to justify protecting and/or attacking to avoid repeating an experience for which I have yet to take responsibility.

The result? I end up feeling isolated and struggling for the love I deserve to receive and give. Others struggle to love me but cannot connect without being attacked or confronting a wall of defense. I am emotionally unavailable to them.

Through the Avatar material I have made real progress in mitigating this condition. I am grateful to Harry Palmer, the creator of Avatar and I am exceptionally grateful for the Avatar materials.