Stored Injustice and Attacks

This past Saturday the 13th of March, a little over a week ago, I began the Avatar Integrity Course. It seems there were about sixty of us in attendance. I went with a lot of enthusiasm and interest in getting free of some limiting patterns I suffer from every day. These patterns are typically obscured by longing for relief.

I say "I suffer" but the reality is we all (everyone I meet or am connected to in life) suffer from my patterns. The patterns create energy flux one could liken to a stick protruding from the surface of a pond. Buffeted by the wind it creates disturbances in the surface of the pond. Every living thing in the pond is disturbed. Life is fraught with chaos and infirmity.

Dealing with these patterns is a whole lot easier and infinitely quicker when someone assists, in a loving way, my coming to awareness of the pattern and the beliefs that create it. The Avatar Integrity Course is deliberately designed to provide that opportunity.

I want to share with you three results. There were more, considerably more, but these stand out.

I suffer from a build up of perceived injustices visited upon me by the world or my fellows resulting in transparent beliefs. The perceived injustices inevitably stemmed from experiences I instigated in life. They formed a pool of fear and resentment when I failed to take responsibility during or following their advent: I would hit a bump in the road, blame something or someone and lick my wounds while racing for the next experience. I created the experience, I hit the bump and placed blamed (damn Bump!). Then I attacked the next person who came forward offering another opportunity to take responsibility for my previous creation. (You're another damn bump!).

Second, and quite valuable, is the feeling of attacking another to avoid taking responsibility. That feeling, in my body, is subtle and nearly instantaneous. It starts with a resistance, followed by a withdrawing of my attention from my fellow and proceeds to an outflow of energy. In most cases the energy is subtle, accompanying words or actions which hide the underlying motive to attack. The words or actions may actually be words of praise or intended to help.

Third is a real eye opener and explains a lot of failed relationships. I see I both draw people to me and push them away at the same time. I want to experience love but I fear the intimacy of true connection. I remember a loved one saying to me years ago "Why are you pushing me away" when I wanted so much for her to come closer. It made absolutely no sense at the time.

These painful situations are created by unseen transparent beliefs. Beliefs formed in my past to justify protecting and/or attacking to avoid repeating an experience for which I have yet to take responsibility.

The result? I end up feeling isolated and struggling for the love I deserve to receive and give. Others struggle to love me but cannot connect without being attacked or confronting a wall of defense. I am emotionally unavailable to them.

Through the Avatar material I have made real progress in mitigating this condition. I am grateful to Harry Palmer, the creator of Avatar and I am exceptionally grateful for the Avatar materials.