This event occurred in the early summer of 2005. The duration from beginning to end took at most twenty minutes. The end may be described as "no evidence beyond my memory of having ingested." A Wikipedia link with more info follows this article.
I've been warned to always have a "sitter" by my side during the salvia experience. Participants have been known to walk away, mindless of environmental obstacles such as traffic, while under its influence. There are three methods of ingestion, smoking, chewing and a tincture. We are choosing to smoke it.
As I take the salvia into my lungs I am instantly in another reality with the only common denominator being I as a point of awareness and my body. Not unlike an extremely vivid lucid dream.
The visual image is of sitting on a simple bench and noticing to my left, further down the bench, another man leaning forward looking directly at me. There are one-maybe two figures between us but I do not see them so much as sense their presence. There is a shadowy quality to the space on the seat to my immediate left. There is a sensation of being alone, or on my own with no close associates in the nearby spaces. The environment was a warm, glowing afternoon about three o'clock somewhere in the Southwest United States, New Mexico maybe. Before me is a green toward yellow grassy area. Over head is a clear blue sky.
I feel in a smaller sense as if I am with a gathering of people, mostly men in a setting with a spiritually oriented purpose not unlike a conference. I know all these men but I cannot name any. It is simply warm familiarity presented as a coloring to the space we are sharing. My impression of myself is that of being older than I am now.
In the same instant I recognize the set and setting there is: A feeling of trying and unable to take a breath as I fall forward; A sense of regret not having said goodbye to my wife Georgiana; Of having, in an attempt to deny this moment of death, made up in the seconds before, an entire lifetime which includes Georgiana. And in that same instant I know I have lived a life completely unrelated in any way to the one I made up, a life with a far greater contribution than I allow myself to believe. The most profound aspect of this moment is I am dead.
As the experience progresses I feel as if a response is expected. I silently form the question “What do you want from me?” The answer comes back as if I'd spoken out loud “We want you to wake up.”
All of the above occurs without the passage of time. As if one could capture in one photograph an entire play.
I recognize there is a “separate reality” to which I am now exposed. I begin to mentally reach for my ordinary reality. My senses tell me it is a cool, dark space in real time in infinite space to my right. I emphatically want to go there, to turn away from the newer reality which is to my left. There is a feeling of desperation. I have an impression I've not used my left-brain hemisphere before now.
I question my ability to distinguish real from imagined. I test myself. Is there a door specifically located in the room where I now remember I should be sitting. Visually the alternate reality still prevails. Is there a person, my "sitter," really with me? I find my voice (swallowing and breathing had been impossible a second before) and I ask out loud “Is there a door over my left shoulder.” The answer “No” resounds. More reasoning: My point of view is from that of actions I would take to reach the door, of having to stand, pivot left walking around behind my chair almost full circle to reach the door which is positioned to my right. Immediately on my right is a table blocking any direct path to the door. I realize my sitter is hearing my question and visualizing me walking into the table. He is protecting me from harm. I ask differently. "Is there a door that I could get up and walk around to?" He responds. “Yes, but I won’t let you.” Now I know I've nearly returned to common reality. I feel the warmth of familiarity and connection. I also feel relief that I might still be able to complete with Georgiana before I pass away from this life. In a moment more I am able to open my eyes and see my friend before me.
I have subsequently realized there was a distinctly pointed message in this experience. Beside the obvious "wake up" was the sense of having allowed my life to languish by the side of the road to complete my purpose for coming to my "common" reality. Part of that purpose is to pass along to others what I have gathered over past lifetimes of seeking spiritual experience. Waking up is a constant. No one is fully awake as long as they are body bound to the material plane. One may be extremely awake to the Truth and live with this Truth as a constant offering. To quote one great sage "GOD is man yet to be fully manifested. Man is GOD yet to be fully realized."
There were three more events after this one over that summer. Over the next few days I expect to post the highlights of those experiences.
A word of caution: Experimenting with your psyche while in a fearful frame of mind should never be done without a loving companion.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvia_divinorum
Next event:
The urge to know the full meaning of this experience draws me forward. I feel compelled to explore the separate reality (SR) further.
One week later we make the journey again. I take the salvia smoke into my lungs with hesitation to experience once more my death.
Again in a flash I am confronted by the realistic and wholly undeniable sensation of the instant of my death: There is no turning back, it's finished!
The same environment surrounds me though this time I have an impression of a building in front of me, and the landscape seems cooler. Non-verbal information conveys an affirmation of the previous experience.
There is another difference. As I begin to exit the SR I see there is a field of light out of which I emerge entering the separate reality and then enter as I return to my common reality.
No amount of self assurance quells the feeling of fear of knowing I am dead. That is the crux of the message. I am already dead! I just haven’t accepted it. I'll continue to live in self deception until I end my denial.
Next event:
A month has passed since my last exploration. Because I know now I am unlikely to leave my seat while exploring the SR on this occasion I am alone.
I choose to switch my seating position to that of my sitter/companion to determine if the orientation of my body has an impact. I experienced a directionality to the first two forays into the SR. In the first two events I was seated facing the East. This time I face West. In this event the more brightly lit environment of the SR was from my right rather than my left. I likely had less salvia in the smoking devise because this event is shorter and no images occur other than a brilliant yellow/orange energy field occupying the entire space behind me and to the right. For a moment I decide to extend my awareness into the field. The SR fades before I am able to follow through.
What I have written to this point I wrote as if in real-time. What follows are notes on the subject written over the following few months.
I have explored the psyche through many devises, both deliberately i.e. meditation, psychoactive substances, etc., and spontaneously resulting from painful injuries, near death events or unexpected sensory bombardment. The full immersion in the SR under the influence of the salvia is the first time I had ever lost all contact with my physical senses (the sense of time and space and history of the "Michael" that writes this) without the bliss of full immersion in Love, or cosmic consciousness. It was stark, however bright the light may have been that seemed to come from behind. Along with this is the sense of another consciousness(es) behind me, watching and seemingly benevolent. I have had a sense of being watched from over my shoulder before on several occasions in life. Often while alone in the wilderness or on the road hitchhiking. This time I wanted to join it, or them, after my panic subsided some. I want to believe it would welcome me if I were to go as far with the salvia as I could. However, at this point my fear is an obstacle. I really want to get past the fear.
Today and last night I've experienced deeper than usual sadness about unfulfilled potential. Passing before I achieve the destiny I know is there is quite disturbing.
Regarding the fear I had passed away suddenly without saying goodbye: All of my life I’ve been clearing my slate so I may start the next life unburdened to the greatest possible degree. I remember choosing this before incarnating this body. I have unrealized desires and fears I have yet to confront. Not for lack of consideration. More likely because of fear I'll lose control of those elements of my life to which I have become attached. Early in life there was very little attachment to people or things.
I must move forward in spite of the fear. I am afraid also that I won’t. Maybe there is just fear and it isn’t really about or of anything.
Today I asked the higher self what I should do. The answer: “Make a joke.”
I translated this into “use the qualities and nuances of the illusion to play out the role of a priest as I know it to be. Be the sinful saint and be it well with the time I have left.
My wonderful, good and beautiful friend Robert wants me to be the lead the SKIgroup which is small and intimate… I would love that. It would fulfill a dream I’ve had in mind since 1973.
