Wednesday, October 13, 2010

What Does GOD Want?

I can only offer my opinion. GOD wants you to be happy. No other expectation has become apparent in all of the years I've been listening. Sixty Three at this point.

Being happy all the time is like riding the crest of a wave. It takes great skill to remain at the top of the wave. In my case I can say near the trough has been my dominant experience.

What seems to be the problem? Well, there are a lot of very wise and good men and women who have already mentioned this in one way or another. The ego is the problem... and, it seems, the solution as well. More on that in a moment.

I've heard GOD "speak" to me a lot in my sixty three Summers. Probably more than most people would be able to say. I'm not bragging but actually pointing out a character flaw. You would think that as many conversations as we've had I would have spent a little more time in reflection on the content. But I am a stubborn child at best and as my mother would say "You'd argue with a fence post."

Just one example: Back in the early 80's I spent a lot of time on the Kashi ranch, an ashram in a little town south of here over on the East Coast. One sunny day, as I walked across the grass toward one of the buildings a young man I knew well crossed paths with me and stopped me to ask "Michael, you have a fairly big ego, do you think my ego is big?" I said I had no idea. That was all there was to the exchange and we went on our ways. But I puzzled over the thought of having a big ego. How does one discern the size of one's ego? I was clueless.

Later that evening I was in Darshan (devotional service) with about two hundred other people and I asked Ma Jaya "Do I have a big ego?" She said "Yes, and it will cause you a lot of pain." "How long will it last?" I said. She said "That depends on you." I raised my hand again to ask another question and she said "Enough!"

The next day, and for several days there after, I was miserable with self loathing and disgust. I didn't even have a reason I could attach to the feeling, it was just there, dark and deeply morose. It passed and after some reflection and a little relaxed interest in the question of its source an answer came.

First, her attention was enough to bring up what needed to be purged at that moment. Second, my Higher Self set me up with a walk in the direction of another who like me was seeking release. Third, my egocentric desire for clarity regarding ego on one hand and confirmation I had a small ego on the other drew me like a moth to flame. The truth freed me of my delusion and set me straight. Ego identification with knowledge resulted in a piece of it being torn away.

This is the destructive/redemptive force called Kali, manifest in Ma Jaya, to benefit my awakening. Kali was a common experience in her presence. I know with further questioning I would have brought on much more suffering of "truth" which is, I suppose, why she stopped me.

In my opinion God wants you to be happy. The ego wants everything else. Having both is the crest of the wave.